I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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