He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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