well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
