the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
