i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
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