I wish my penis had an off switch
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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