I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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