hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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