I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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