Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
