we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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