I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
