if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
