I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
