He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I supernannyed him into submission
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
