Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
