I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Who put my cat in the fridge?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
