So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
