I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
