so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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