Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Everclear isn't food dammit
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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