so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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