You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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