No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
