I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
