im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
