I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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