I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
