My friends, they love my intelligence
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
