if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Less talking, more tequila
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
