so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
