She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
