the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
