So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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