sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
