Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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