There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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