i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
