my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
