can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
