i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
