I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
