i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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