great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
