You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
