i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
