shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
