fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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