dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
