Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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