when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
