Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
