I can text with my tongue
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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