Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
