Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
