is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
