I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Randomize
