Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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