is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
