If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize