last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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