All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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