Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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