Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Operation Purity has been aborted
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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