woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
