Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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