We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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