god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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