A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
