We're facebook friends in real life
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
