Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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