Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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