Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
