'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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