I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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