and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
