dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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