He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize