when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
