weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
being pregnant is like rehab
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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