dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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